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Passover Humor 2019


This tale sounds fishy

As Moses and the children of Israel were crossing the Red Sea, the children of Israel began to complain to Moses of how thirsty they were after walking so far. Unfortunately, they were not able to drink from the walls of water on either side of them, as they were made up of salt-water.

Then, a fish from that wall of water told Moses that he and his family had heard the complaints of the people, but through their own gills, they could remove the salt from the water and force it out of their mouths like a fresh water fountain for the Israelites to drink from as they walked by.

Moses accepted this fish's kind offer. But before the fish and his family began to help, they told Moses they had a demand. They and their descendants had to be always present at the Seder meal that would be established to commemorate the Exodus, since they had a part in the story. When Moses agreed to this, he gave them their name which remains how they are known to this very day. He said to them, "Go Filter Fish!"

Passover Research

A group of leading medical researchers has published data indicating that Seder participants should NOT partake of both chopped liver and charoses. It seems that this combination can lead to Charoses of the Liver.

Do you know?

Who was the best businesswoman in the Bible?
Pharaoh's daughter; she pulled a profit out of the water.

That's what I call a parting of the waves

The Jews are camped in front of the Red Sea. They see the Egyptian chariots approaching. Moses turns to his PR man.
Moses – "Nu, where are those boats you got us?"
PR Guy – "Boats? You didn't say anything about any boats."
Moses – "So what do you want me to do? Part the waters and we can all just walk across?"
PR Guy – "If you can swing that, I'll get you your own chapter in the Bible!"

Did you know
that the horseradish root goes back in time as far as matzoh does?

The horseradish root also crossed the Red Sea with the fleeing Israelites. The Israelites were slaves at the time and had access to only a few vegetables. The hard and woody horseradish was one of them and was a household staple.

Nearly all the fleeing Israelites took horseradish with them. Moshe and Sadie, however, while gathering up their scant belongings, found to their dismay that they had run out of horseradish. Sadie immediately sent Moshe into the field to dig up a large horseradish root to take with them. However, because it was dark and everyone was running around in panic, Moshe dug up a ginger root by mistake.

After forty years in the desert, the Israelites finally entered the Promised Land – all, that is, except Moshe and Sadie. It took them forty-one years to arrive. When asked where they had been, Sadie, now grown old, shrugged her shoulders and replied, "Moshe insisted on taking an alternative root."

Tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth

Moshe has been living in Poland all his life, but just before the Second World War, he sees big trouble coming. So he sells all his assets, converts them into gold and then melts down the gold to have five sets of false teeth made for him.

He flees Poland and after much travelling, arrives at Ellis Island, New York, where he is interrogated by an immigration official who also goes through the contents of his battered suitcase.

When the official sees the five sets of false teeth, he asks Moshe why he has so many. Moshe replies, "As you might know, we Orthodox Jews have two separate sets of dishes, one for meat and one for dairy products. However, I'm so kosher and religious that I also need to have separate sets of teeth."

The official is confused. "Well that accounts for two sets of teeth. What are the other three for?"

"Well," Moshe replies, "we ultra-Orthodox Jews also use separate dishes for Passover and I'm so observant that I need two sets of Passover teeth to go with the dishes, one for meat and one for dairy food."

The official is still confused. "You've convinced me that you're a highly religious man and I accept that you therefore need four sets of teeth. But what about the fifth set?"

"Well, to tell you the truth, Mister official," replies Moshe, "every once in a while I like to eat a ham and cheese sandwich."

What's the difference
between matzoh and cardboard??
Cardboard doesn't leave crumbs in the rug!

Some matzo crackers!

Matzilation (v.)
Smashing a piece of matzo to bits while trying to butter it.

Mamatzah Balls (n.)
Matzo balls that are as good as your mother made.

Impasta (n.)

A Jew who starts eating leavened foods before the end of Passover. 



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Thursday, 13 June 2024

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